I am what they called a "Third Culture Kid". This term is used by psychologists to refer to anyone who was raised in a culture different to their parents culture for a considerable amount of developmental time. Growing up in a Western country, I have often been at odds with the deep traditional values which pin many of the "moral" standards set by the Indian culture. I recently watched a show on an Indian channel and some of the dialogues used in it really perturbed me. Such a usage on Australian media would have caused an uproar and the channel would have been asked to apologise for it. Under the guise of culture, this dialogue went unnoticed. 90% of people watching the show probably did not even register the dialogue as something which could have been offensive. It branded a certain type of relationship as "a mistake" which should have been covered up. I know this is a bit outside the scope of the 4 tenets of my blog, however it does fit in with psychosocial aspects of medicine.
With much bigger problems to deal with like poverty, lack of access to healthcare, education and basic sanitation, the culture as a whole is still stuck on petty issues which prevent it from becoming socially progressive. Here's a list of 10 things which I believe could be worked upon, and I believe they are achievable if everyone opened up their minds just a little bit.
10) Eating habits: some people are vegetarian, some are not. Get over it.Your eating habits should not dictate what others eat, nor should it inconvenience others. Although the atmosphere is toned down in the community in a place like Australia, in India it's followed with almost an apartheid-like regime in many parts of the country.
9) Culture: this one gets to me the most. Elders use this to threaten the young ones to tell them how to lead their lives. The young ones get intimidated and unquestioningly follow what they are told until they are old and the cycle continues. Many of the times, the elders don't even have logical explanations for why they believe what they do. The culture was imbibed in them from an early age and it became gospel. An alternate way of thinking is unimaginable. Celebrating culture and diversity is all well and fine if it does not interfere with social progressiveness. What was relevant 2000 years ago is NOT relevant today.
8) Fashion: what you wear is how you express yourself. It's who you are and how you feel. What a girl or guy wear does not, I repeat, does not equate to how moral they are. Having tattoos and piercings does not mean that they are bad people. These patriarchal and sometimes misogynistic ideas, especially about what a woman should wear to appear "decent" are outdated and are thankfully changing with the newer generation.
7) Sex: there I said it, the word which is taboo to millions. It happens everywhere obviously, we couldn't have 1.2 billion people without it. Somehow though, talking about it or even mentioning it is enough to get you chastised or scolded. There is nothing as natural as sex and yet it has been made one of the most unnatural acts due to this mentality.
6) Arranged marriages: OK I get it, they work for some people. However, personally I have never been able to understand the concept of arranged marriages. Traditionally speaking, the bride-to-be would not even see the groom until their wedding night. He could have been a monstrous troll or had the tiniest penis for all the girl knows. However, now that she's married to him, she's stuck forever (bond for 7 lives and all that jazz). The girl may have even been forbidden to talk to guys or have male-friends before, marriage and suddenly here she is in a room about to have sex with a complete stranger. Logic? There is none. These days, the girl gets to meet the guy a couple of times before they are engaged and even then a lot of the times its under the supervision of family members. I wonder how many unhappy couples are living a life of compromise right now due to this tradition and cannot even escape from their reality. We get one life, one shot at it all. Seventy-odd years until our time is up. Why waste it on things that make you unhappy?
5) Nudity: if you believe in a god, then he/she/it made you and then sent you through your mother's womb. When you came out, you were completely butt naked. You were not sent in a Burberry coat and Hugo Boss shirt (although I would not have complained if we were). Its just the basic human form guys, get used to it! To quote Aamir Khan fom PK: "see that crow over there, what is it wearing? Now it will look weird if it sat there with a tie around its neck". Fashion is great and I, like your next person, loves clothes. After all, retail therapy is effective right? However, the shock and disgust seen on people's faces (saying from my own personal/family experiences) would make it appear like the person's entrails were hanging out.
4) Media and public censorship: two flowers rubbing against each other to signify kissing, are you serious? Thankfully, this has decreased in recent years when people have come to terms with kissing being a natural part of human sexuality and relationships. I am all against excessive PDA, but seriously, if you have a problem with two people holding hands in public but not against the boy from the slum doing a poo on the road, then you need to sort your priorities. Tying in with the culture point, many people would say that showing affection in public is against the "culture". What culture? The same that wrote the kamasutra in detail, or the one which gave rise to the massive sex-carving temples in central India. Our ancestors, it seems, embraced their sexuality openly.
3) What people do with their lives: exactly, its THEIR life. Not yours, not mine. What job they are doing and how much they earn aren't and should not be any of your business. Career choices, it seems, are often pre-written for many Indian children from when they are in school by their parents or other family members. A lot of the times, what the child is talented in or what he/she wants is not even taken into account. Any degree below that of a doctor, engineer, lawyer or accountant is worthy of being sneered at. Oh that guy is a artist? He is never going to get a good job. Oh that person is doing hotel management? They must have been too dumb to get admission to any other course. These and other comments like these are commonplace and really irritate me. Seriously, if everyone became a doctor, who is going to be the patient? Who is going to provide you the relaxing music when you go back from a tiring day at work? On the one hand, people who choose acting or dancing as careers are looked down upon, at the same time, Bollywood actors and actresses are given a demi-god status. Hypocrisy at its best (or worst?)
2) Relationships and sexual orientation: who people choose to spend their life with, who they love, who they like, should NOT be the society's concern. It's between the two people. Leave them at it if they are happy. We are in the 21st century, get with the times. And it is nothing to do with fitting in with Western ideals. Its just basic human rights. Most people still can't marry out of the caste or community, they are not allowed to love anyone from a different religion and if they happen to be biologically inclined to love someone of the same gender, they are nothing but a black spot on the family's name. Its sad to think that many families out there think more about what OTHERS will say rather than the happiness of their own children. Other people have their own lives to get on with, they will talk for a while then move on to some other spicy, trending topic. Your children will be the one stuck with your choices. The concept of extended family does not exist in a lot of places anymore, so I really fail to see why anyone should have a say in two people's lives if they decide to spend it together.
1) Women's Rights and Girl Infanticide: now these problems affect several parts of India and although it does not affect me directly, or personally, I take great insult that such things are happening. Countless cases of female-foetuses aborted or girl-babies killed have been reported. Countless rapes happen everyday to the extent that in some cities, women don't feel safe to walk around the streets by themselves after dark. The idea that rapes happen because the girl invites it in some way is preposterous, patriarchal and misogynistic. No matter what she wears, the girl is not asking to be raped and you do not have any right of raping her. On the one hand, Goddesses are venerated and worshiped in the country be it Durga or Lakshmi. On the other hand, the girl-child is unwanted and in some cases even killed. If anything is to progress, women's rights need to be addressed urgently. Without women's rights, there will be no progress.
The trigger was the unneeded dialogue in a TV show. My response was this post. I am in no way trying to insult the culture or denigrate it, I am part of it. However, as with anything, nothing is perfect. Change and evolution are nature's cornerstones and as with anything else, ideas and concepts will change. We have to change with the times. Be critical, voice your opinion, believe what you want to, but do not force others to abide by what you believe in. As a Third-Culture child, I am conflicted with many traditions and ideals a lot of the times. It has made me grow as a person and made me critical of everything I am presented with. Social and progressive change does not mean we have to abandon the culture, we just have to modify the parts that no longer fit in with our world today.